The birth of experience

I want to articulate something that I am beginning to see and understand. It has come with hindsight and in particular with seeing my children become adults and begin to struggle with the real forces of life. As I have prayed for them individually a picture has begun to materialize.

Life is a series of births. Each new segment of understanding, of wisdom, of knowledge is begotten by our agency and gained by the labor of experience. We aren't sitting in the classroom listening to the lecture and taking notes on the birth process. I think that took place before we came here. Now we are in the real deal. Fully participatory. What is most valuable is gained through the struggle of experience. We don't really "know" something until we have experienced it. (A scriptural term that comes to mind is "and Adam knew his wife Eve and she conceived...")
Complete knowing is an act of experiencing.

I don't think this life is a process of just jumping through the hoops. We are creating something living and unique as we move forward. It's not always (if ever) a piece of cake. In our limited vision of the moment however we sometimes want the end results right now. We want to skip at least part if not all of the labor. We want Someone to just tell us what to do or to wave the magic wand and have things materialize. But our Parent isn't using the "because I told you so" method or the "let me do it for you" program. If we arrive too soon at a destination, if things come too easily, we may have our answer but the birth of real knowledge is aborted. We won't be able to receive the end result because we won't understand how it was gained and upon what foundation it was based. How else but through our own experience will we "know to refuse the evil and choose the good?" (Isaiah 7:16) Like the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon who are in captivity and praying for deliverance we must wait upon the Lord's timing. We pray for strength to bear up under the labor. We seek enlightenment, direction and guidance. We place our trust in Him. When the labor of a particular situation is complete and the time of birth has arrived, deliverance will come and we will burst forth into the light. We we see and discern with our understanding that which we could not see before. We will have taken one more step in our climb towards eternal life.

We must perform the labor. There's no skipping from A - Z. All of nature is evidence of this truth. We can however gather around each other and give the needed support and encouragement. We can be kindly midwives who hold hands and say "You can do it! It will be worth it! "

(Picture from a French website Siviero News - I can't decipher who the artist is.)

I'm up...

and I shouldn't be. Just got back from Tenn. Very crazy day. Started early with lost keys. Mad (and I do mean mad!) dash to airport (in Atlanta!) Three and 1/2 hr. drive. Pedal to the metal! Missed the exit. C-O-N-S-T-R-U-C-T-I-O-N! Detour.

Arrived at airport. Ran through security (as far as running is allowed.) Caught the terminal train just as door closed. Stopped at stations A, B, C and D. (FINALLY!) Jostled past people on escalator. Sprinted to the gate. Time - 11:23. We were taxiing down the runway by 11:35. Literally! Whew! Miraculous!

Sat by woman who said nary a word. OK by me. Slept and read.

Arrived at Phoenix. Flight too full. Three hour wait. Bought TCBY waffle cone. Read conference Ensign. Changed seats to move closer to the Poly guys playing guitar and uke while waiting for their flight. Great harmonies! Decided missed plane was worth it. Boarded to SLC.

Another silent partner.

Gave tic tacs to toddler across the isle.

Read and slept some more.

Drove home.

Attended Kimberly's bridal shower (The last five mintues! Yes, her own mother missed her shower!!!)

Cleaned house (the most desperate segments!)

Time for bed. 3 am.

John Taylor

“I have no ideas only as God gives them to me; neither should you. Some people are very persistent in having their own way and carrying out their own peculiar theories. I have no thoughts of that kind, but I have a desire, when anything comes along, to learn the will of God, and then to do it.”

John Taylor - 3rd President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

My Friend Charlie...

(3 a.m. Charlie)

Everyone ought to have a friend like Charlie. He's one of my favorite guys yet we've never met in person. Even if we lived in the same town though we'd run in different circles and the chances of us crossing paths is close to nil. Charlie is sixty something. He lives up in the mountains in California. He's a tattooed, ex-Harley rider (a real one - not just the weekend variety). I'm a Utah mother of eleven children. Our lives are opposite in just about every way.

We are both family history buffs and our families connect up back in New York in the early 1800's. We began emailing information back and forth a few years ago. We both have ancestors who joined with the Mormons in New York and migrated to Nauvoo, Illinois and so forth. I'm LDS and Charlie isn't. Since those first contacts we've discussed religion, politics, family etc. Though he isn't Mormon he's been interested in learning about it and is a defender of the faith when he runs into misinformation or prejudice. I appreciate that. I've answered questions for him and he has helped me navigate new territory with some of my extended family members who are stomping around in his neck of the woods. I send him wedding announcement for my children's marriages and he threatens to drive up on his Harley sporting black leather. We've exchange church dvd's and smoked trout. I referred him to the Mormon missionaries and he surprised them by knowing more about church history than they did. When I got into a pickle trying to refinish my kitchen table he told me how to get out of it. He's an expert woodworker and sends me re-modling tips when I need them. He also sends his condolences to my husband who has to put up with yet one more "project." Charlie is up by 3:00 a.m. and in bed by 6:30 p.m. which explains the caption below the picture.

I've learned a great deal from Charlie. I tell him he's got a big, soft heart - a lamb in wolves clothing so to speak. (It's the beard and hair!) He's going in for heart surgery next week and I'm saying prayers for him. Good luck Charlie. Thanks for being my friend. May Heavenly Father bless you and may your recovery be quick!

My Dad!

My Dad is 86 years old. He is hard of hearing and shuffles much more than he used to. He tells the same stories and makes the same jokes over and over. There is a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face. He really doesn't seem old to me. Yes, I can see his aging exterior, but when I look at him there are layers of the man he has been over the years. He seems to be thirty, fifty, seventy and eighty six all at the same time. I see a person, not an old man. Though he stumbles over his ideas and thoughts somewhere in the jumble of words there is a wisdom that has been honed and ripened over the years. His love is steady and secure.

I called my Dad yesterday for Father's Day and asked him how his day was going. He said he wasn't feeling very good, that he was a little tired. I asked him why and he said he was fasting but he couldn't remember why. My mother immediately reminded him that they were fasting for my sister who was to have surgery the next day. "Oh, that's right," he said, "We are fasting for Sandra."

My 86 year old father was spending Father's Day fasting for one of his children. When I hung up the phone I was flooded with the sense of the unpretentious sacrifices my parents have given to me for 55 years. I thought what my Dad was doing was truly great in the fullest sense of that word. And yet I am sure he was completely unaware that his actions were more than just another part of the daily routine. It's just what you do.

My sister's surgery went well. How could it not with the sacrifice of an 86 year old father and a 92 year old mother fasting for their child.

Father's Day

Father's Day is something to celebrate when your husband is the parent of 11 children. That also happens to make me the mother of that same flock. Now that the day is past I have a moment to write a note of appreciation to my husband for his willing participation in the raising of our small army. That's 33 years of parenting thus far.

Having such a large family is far from common these days. In fact, eleven is bigger than a big family. It's more like an unheard of head count. I could go on and on about how it's worth all the hassle, it's the been the best part of life, the rewards are overflowing, but instead I will just say that I am grateful my husband is willing to be the loving father to eleven children. And he's not just a parent in name only. He is diligent in his effort to teach, interact, love and support his children. He willingly received each one as they were born into our family. He considers them his best friends and companions.

I once talked with a woman whose husband paid her not to have children. She had two children already and every time she felt a desire to have another one he bought her furniture, remodeled her kitchen, landscaped the backyard if she would decide against it. That conversation haunted me for days. I found myself so completely grateful for my husband and his willingness to give his all to help one more little person get a foothold on life. Happy Father's Day Randy! You definitely deserve the honor.

"Cannot" scriptures....

For some time now I have been intrigued by scriptures that use the word "cannot" in the text. "Cannot" is not "will not." "Cannot" implies a foundation of eternal laws upon which "all things are predicated." God is not a capricious being who deals with us according to His whims. Rather, He is One who loves us perfectly. He blesses us according to our own desires, will and agency based upon truth and eternal laws by which He is also bound.

Here are a few examples of "cannot" scriptures.

38 But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.
39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.

(Book of Mormon | Alma 32:38 - 39)

And my favorite is:

12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

(Book of Mormon | Helaman 5:12)

God is sure. There are eternal laws. Men have agency. We can choose.

(Painting - Tree of Life by Oliver Grey)

Brigham Young

Tonight we (my husband and I) taught the young adult institute of religion class on Brigham Young. (See previous blog on Joseph Smith) Here are a few Brigham tidbits.





Calming the storm

"While traveling on a steamboat on Lake Erie from Fairport, Ohio, to Buffalo, New York, a storm arose and hindered the progress of the ship. He recorded: “The wind rose about one o’clock in the morning. I went upon deck and felt impressed in spirit to pray to the Father, in the name of Jesus, for a forgiveness of my sins, and then I felt to command the winds to cease, and let us go safe on our journey. The winds abated, and I felt to give the glory and honor and praise to that God who rules all things” (Manuscript History, 1801–1844, 58–59).

I liked the fact that he asked for forgiveness of his sins before he commanded the elements to be still.

Honesty

"I do not know that I ever wronged my neighbor, even to the value of a pin,"

He abandoned his work as a painter when in his words, "I had either to be dishonest or quit; and I quit."

Husband and Father:

Miriam, Brigham's wife contracted consumption soon after they were married.

“Brigham Young once remarked that after marriage he worked for half a crown a day when he could not get more; got breakfast for his wife, himself, and the little girls, dressed the children, cleaned up the house, carried his wife to the rocking-chair by the fireplace and left her there until he could return in the evening. When he came home he cooked his own and the
family’s supper, put his wife back to bed and finished up the day’s domestic labours” (Gates and Widtsoe, The Life Story of Brigham Young, 5).."

A Dream

When Brigham was 15 his younger brother Lorenzo had a vivid dream. In this dream Lorenzo saw a brilliant, gold carriage drawn rapidly by a beautiful pair of white horses:
"It was manifested to me that the Savior was in the carriage and that it was driven by His servant. It stopped near me and the Savior inquired. "Where is your brother Brigham?' After answering His question He inquired about my other brothers, and concerning my father...He stated that He wanted us all, but especially my brother Brigham." (Lion of the Lord by Susan Easton Black and Larry C. Porter.)

After Baptism

"I wanted to thunder and roar out the Gospel to the nations. It burned in my bones like fire pent up....Nothing would satisfy me but to cry abroad in the world, what the Lord was doing in the latter-days...I had to go out and preach, lest my bones should consume within me."

One Eternal Round (Part 2)

I was reminded of my post One Eternal Round a few weeks ago today as I ignored my dedicated summer schedule and planted flowers instead of supervising my children's jobs. I really did post that blog with a firm expectation of having a committed, organized, productive summer with my last three children. We were unstoppable that first day. We cleaned everyone's bedroom thoroughly, spent a hour or so in the yard planting and weeding, checked off inside chores as well. Piano practicing? Ditto! Dinner was on the table promptly at 6:00 pm.

Would you like to know how many days we have completed our list since then? I won't bother to answer that one. Hope really must spring eternal. It's amazing but I really DID think we were going to conquer. Sigh.

Joseph Smith

Last Wednesday I taught an institute class on Joseph Smith. A couple of items of interest:

Brigham Young's Testimony of Joseph Smith:

"When I first heard him preach, he brought heaven and earth together; all the priests of the day could not tell me anything correct about heaven, hell, God, angels or devils; they were as blind as Egyptian darkness. When I saw Joseph Smith, he took heaven, figuratively speaking, and brought it down to earth; and he took the earth, brought it up, and opened up, in plainness and simplicity, the things of God; and that is the beauty of his mission."

Widtsoe, John A., Discourses of Brigham Young p. 458


Another interesting tidbit:

In a book, The Messianic Idea In Israel Dr. Klausner from the Hebrew University in Jerusalem writes one entire chapter (chapter 90) about a latter-day prophet, a descendant of Joseph of old. The title of the chapter is "Messiah ben Joseph and the battle of Gog and Magog." In this chapter he is trying to make sense of the traditions passed down from the Jews about this latter day son of Joseph who would be called "Taeb," meaning the restorer,

"...sources regarded primarily as a prophet who will restore everywhere the true law to its former validity and convert all peoples...but it is most interesting that his existence and his violent death are considered as matters known to all." (The Messianic Idea In Israel by Joseph Klausner.)

My Three Red-Heads

Lorien and Natalie inadvertently showed up to church wearing the almost the same outfit. Must be the red in their hair. They decided to document with a photo opt and Cameron got in by virtue of his mop top.

Hast thou not heard?

"Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth, not, neither is weary? There is no searching of his understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall;

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

(A favorite scripture...it speaks for itself.)

One eternal round.

My oldest daughter and mother of four of my six grandchildren wrote a blog about end of school resolutions, beginning of school resolutions and of course the proverbial New Year's resolutions. I've never thought about it quite so succinctly, but it's true. All three mile posts are endings and beginnings, re-grouping times where hope once again springs eternal. Particularly for mothers, these are the three markers in the year. Time to throw out past failures and start anew!! Here I am in my 28th summer of children getting out of school for vacation and I am gathering my still- at-home progeny (definitely shrinking) around me to map out the summer rules, plan for new heights of achievement and of course stake out time for fun. (I'm not great at that one - I like to be productive and it's hard for me to let go of my work especially if it isn't done - and it never is!) I have been thinking how funny it is that even though past evidence tells me that by the second or third week into the summer the dedicated yard work, piano practicing etc. etc. goes by the way side or at least takes regular detours, somewhere deep inside I believe that THIS summer will be different or at least improved upon the past 27.

The oddest feeling however is to have my oldest daughter doing the same thing with her little brood of offspring. It so funny (in the strange sort of way) to have she and I connected on the extreme ends of this little ritual. This has been my exclusive world and now it's hers. She's coming into it and I am almost out of it.

The Unraveling....

The teenage mom, a tired toddler on her hip, ransacks through the edgy clothing on the store rack while laughing and chatting with her friend. The raucous hip hop music plays in the background. Moving frenetically from rack to rack she pays little attention to the child with a sleepy face and red eyes. The child begins to whine. "Be quiet!" she says abruptly. The child starts to cry. "Stop it!" the child-mother retorts even more sharply. The child's face is worn, her hair disheveled, her eyes droopy. She cries louder.

I feel the earth shake under my feet....

I find myself feeling unsettled as of late. There is a sense of instability as I read the news and observe what is going on around me both at home and abroad. Climate unrest is unnerving but worse, there's so much divisiveness among mankind. The political landscape is discouraging.

But even more so I am concerned about propensities in my community and nation. The moral grounds are shifting and it's having an effect upon the institutions of society - family, schools, etc. I really am baffled at the connections that people don't seem to be making. How can we eat bitter grapes as a society (greed, dishonesty, cheating, violence, sexual saturation, inane entertainment, 24/7 television diet, lack of discipline, terrible eating habits, instant gratification, materialism, image seeking) and not have the children's teeth set on edge? People's countenances are changing. There's such an obsession with shallowness. The sacrifices necessary for marriage and family are becoming foreign as our children are raised on indulgence. Doesn't anyone see the handwriting on the wall? How many generations can we produce along this vein and not expect to suffer severe consequences? How many pillars can you pull out of the building before the roof collapses.

Congratulations Cameron!

Graduated from 6th grade. On the way to Junior High!

So long, farewell.....

Most people get through grade school in about six years plus kindergarten. Some of us have to go back for a longer stint. I've just graduated from Vineyard Elementary School after 28 years of diligent attendance.

Cameron, last of eleven, walked across the stage as an officially graduated sixth grader last Thursday. I thought I had definitely earned the right to get up and walk across that stage myself. After all, I've completed over a dozen science projects, eleven, county, state and country projects, spearheaded class parties, sat through numerous maturation clinics and signed countless, and I mean countless, reading logs. One mother has only so many projects and logs in her. I think I am close to scraping the bottom of my spelling list barrel. I imagine the fine teachers at Vineyard have been getting a peak at that barrel bottom so it's a good thing I'm gracefully bowing out. (I remember about eight years ago one of the teachers confided in me at parent teacher conference that I was know as "that incredible woman!" I don't think it was as much as a compliment as a statement of disbelief! Maybe they really say "that crazy woman!" And they probably would be right.)

What's next? If I am really good and work hard maybe in three years I'll be out of Junior High. That's real progress. I'll be 58.

Cameron keeps reminding me that he has "old" parents. I could actually be his friends' parents parent. I tell him he's lucky to have a "seasoned" mother who knows when to sweat the small stuff and when to let it go. (Mostly you just let it go.)

I was thinking last week how really grateful I am for my children - all eleven of them. I wouldn't change it for the world. But...I'm quite happy to have reached and passed the milestone of grade school graduation.