Partings

Today my sisters and I moved my parents out of the home they have lived in for 26+ years.   Although they want to they can no longer live alone.  In their lucid moments they agree it's time for them to relocate with one of us but when the reality of it starts to set in they begin to back peddle.  Tonight we are all staying at my sister's home to settle them in.  We put their things in their new room complete with familiar pictures and objects from home.  We had a nice dinner.  My Dad then asked when we were going home.  I am sure it is the first of many like requests.  My mother told the nurse they would probably be at my sisters for just one week.  My heart aches for them because I know they most likely will never go back to their home again except for a very occasional visit for a few hours.  And maybe we will decide not to do that if it upsets the apple cart all over again.  It was a tough deal to pack them up and take them out the door knowing they didn't fully understand what we were doing.  I could have cried my eyes out.  I never supposed it would be this difficult.  Tomorrow I have an even more difficult task.  I have to leave Denver and return home to Utah.  I can't be away from my family forever.  I leave fully knowing I may never see my mother again in this life.  Between the two of them, she is the most tenuous right now.   I can hardly bear the thought.  How do you say a permanent goodbye to the one who gave you life and who has always been there for you.  I don't believe you are ever ready for it.  As my mother's friends have come to visit and told stories about her with this and that I have realized that my mother was so much more than just my mother.  It is a revelation to get to know her in another sphere as someone's friend or mentor.  They have told stories I've never heard and mentioned little qualities I did not know about.  I am seeing my mother more as an individual than I ever have before.   I find myself wishing I could have known her as a friend and a peer.  I don't know if children can ever quite see their parents as separate individuals from their roles as mothers and fathers.