Aunt Sally's "criminal" activity....

Yesterday I went to Target to return a shirt. Before Christmas I ran into a great deal on Merona t-shirts ($5.00 ea.) and I went somewhat hog-wild buying thirty or more shirts for 8 daughters. I gave them each one for Christmas and as I wasn't sure of their taste in style, color and fit I told them they could trade it out for ones I had in my stash and then get any others they would like. After we had finished sorting it all out I returned the ones no one wanted.

This was the last shirt I had to return. It was a lovely, grey shirt. The tag had been removed but luckily I had found it in the after-holiday clean-up. I had the receipt but forgot to bring it with me to the store. "No problem," I thought. At Target you can use your credit card for a receipt look-up.

Unbeknown to me, there is a little tag sewn into clothing with an item #. The girl at the return desk typed in the number on the inside of the shirt and the computer told her that the shirt did not match the tag I had brought in with it. However, the tag did show up on my credit card but the shirt # did not. (The subversive plot thickens!!!) Without asking me even one question she got on her little headset and called over the security guard. A little baffled I wondered what security had to do with return issues. Don't you usually call a manager if you run into a problem you can't solve? She explains to the guard (who looked old enough to be my son) that the tag I brought in with the shirt did not match the # inside. She gave him a receipt # from the computer. He asked me what I paid for the shirt. I told him I had bought it on a sale before Christmas for $5.00 big whopping dollars! (Actually I was very polite and left off the big whopping part.) He told me he was going to have to go and search the store videos from before Christmas to find my transaction and show that I really did buy the shirt. If he found me on the video buying the shirt he would allow me to return it. I explained that I had the receipt at home and offered to go home and get it but none-the-less being more insistent he disappeared to search the store video.

People were backing up in line behind me all watching to see if they were going to get to witness this lady being hauled off in handcuffs for not having her receipt. (They must hire adventure seeking young men to be security guards.) I asked the clerk to explain to me what the deal was. She told me that sometimes people try to return items with different tags to get more $ than they paid for them and they were checking the video to verify my transaction. I told the clerk I had bought LOTS of shirts in four different transactions. I didn't know if this particular shirt was it that particular transaction. I asked her again if I could go home and get my receipts. She gave me a funny look and said "Ahhhh." I thought to myself, "What do you mean by 'Ahhhhh?'" I realized I was only digging myself a deeper pit and that she just thought I was trying to escape. I considered taking my shirt and going but decided if I was going to get out of this with any degree of honor I had better stick around.

Fifteen more highly annoying minutes passed. FINALLY, Mr. Security Guard returned. He told the clerk that the transaction # she gave him actually took place in the American Fork store (ha, ha, ha, I did buy that particular shirt out in American Fork!) and so he couldn't view the video but he looked up the tag number and found others on video buying shirts with that tag and YES they were all lovely, grey shirts that were selling for $5.00 each and so he told the clerk, "I guess you can go ahead and return the shirt." Without saying a word she returned the shirt and gave me my well-earned $5.24. I should have insisted on interest for the time I had to wait. No apologies were offered. She still was looking at me like I was on the FBI's most wanted list. Why, may I ask, would I be returning a $10 shirt for $5.00 if I was trying to run a profitable rip-off-Target scam? Wouldn't it make a little more sense to go for the $10.00!!!

When I came home I immediately found my receipts and YES, I did have the American Fork receipt and YES the grey shirt was on the receipt. My only explanation is that the dang little tag sewn into the shirt had the WRONG # on it. I briefly considered never shopping at Target again, but darn it, it's close at hand and I know I would never stick to my vow. If I was the frivolous litigation type, or if I had $ to burn (in which case I wouldn't be shopping at Target) I could have my lawyer write them a nice little letter, but sadly I don't believe in such things. So instead, armed with my four receipts in hand, I headed over to Target today to clear the slate for my own peace of mind. There was no security guard in sight and of course there was a different girl working the return desk.

I might write Target a letter but probably won't get around to it. I'll just have to settle for the fact that there are a handful of people around town who might run into me somewhere and think, "There's that woman! Where are the handcuffs?" And actually, I was laughing to myself as I drove home at the incongruities of the situation. I've never even considered shoplifting anything. I have no desire to own something I didn't pay for. (Unless it was a gift of course!) I remember when I was barely 5 and "found" a package of gum on the floor of the grocery store that I surmised someone had "dropped." My mom made me take back a nickle to the store manager to pay for the gum (that I got out of her purse and chewed all at once - yes, all five sticks!! I still remember gagging on that huge wad of gum. It was certainly not satisfying in the least.) I learned my lesson well and have never wanted to experience that humiliation again.

I'm sure by now I've lost anyone who started reading this post. If you made it to the end kudos for you. You've done your therapeutic good turn for the day.