It was raining softly 12 years ago, the day Jack McConnell, MD, had the epiphany. McConnell remembers how the rain had turned the dirt roads on Hilton Head, South Carolina, into mud, and how, as he drove out the back gate of his subdivision, he spotted a man walking along a path without an umbrella.
McConnell had a habit of picking up hitchhikers. It was payback of sorts for all the rides his family received when he was growing up in the hills of southwest Virginia. His father was a Methodist minister who never had a car. He told folks that he "couldn't support Mr. Ford" on a preacher's salary and send his seven children to college.
His father also was fond of asking his children at suppertime. "And what have you done for someone today?"--a phrase that became part of McConnell's muscle memory as he grew older. So, on that drizzly day 12 years ago, he slowed down without thinking and gave a ride to a man who would change his life and thousands of others.
The man's name was James. McConnell asked where he was going. "To look for a job. Any kind I can get." He said he had two children, and that his wife was expecting. Always the doctor, McConnell asked whether he had access to medical care. No, James said. "We have to take care of ourselves. No one else is going to help us."
After McConnell drove James to a work site, he thought about the other hitchhikers he had talked to since his retirement on Hilton Head. They were maids, waitresses, construction workers, and every one of them said they had trouble getting basic medical care. Someone should do something, McConnell thought.
Then he heard an echo from his past--"What have you done for someone today?" And, as he did in the 1960s, when he directed the development of Tylenol, and in the 1980s, when he helped create the first commercial MRI system, McConnell began to visualize a solution.
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Jack McConnell, MD: "what have you done for someone today?"
"A few years ago I read an article written by Jack McConnell, MD. He grew up in the hills of southwest Virginia in the United States as one of seven children of a Methodist minister and a stay-at-home mother. Their circumstances were very humble. He recounted that during his childhood, every day as the family sat around the dinner table, his father would ask each one in turn, “And what did you do for someone today?”1 The children were determined to do a good turn every day so they could report to their father that they had helped someone. Dr. McConnell calls this exercise his father’s most valuable legacy, for that expectation and those words inspired him and his siblings to help others throughout their lives. As they grew and matured, their motivation for providing service changed to an inner desire to help others."
So...last week I quickly dashed over to the rec center for a run before I took up the duties of caring for my father. I hopped on a tread mill (I usually prefer the track for lack of tv) and found it hard to ignore the Rachael Ray show just off to the side of my machine. Rachael, America's currently hip homemaking queen, was interviewing Shakira, the hot-to-trot Columbian singer sensation who was promoting a philosophy of motherhood outside the box. (Children first and then we'll see about marriage.) "Times are changing," Shakira said. (I believe Bob Dylan got there first.) Quoting her recent interview in Rolling Stone Magazine she professed her great desire to produce children - a worthy endeavor to say the least! I'm definitely in favor of motherhood, but I believe children and marriage should be linked.
"Portrait de la belle-fille de Maxim Gorki (Motherhood)" by Boris Dmitrievich Grigor'ev (1886-1939)
At some point in the last several days a vision of clarity and deep gratitude washed over me concerning the role mothering has played in my life. As a young mother (more than a few years ago for me) you struggle to lay yourself bare to the process of giving your whole to the care and well-being of these little people you have created. It seems as though you are always being asked to dispense more than you have, let alone more than your natural woman would like to part with. It's not that you don't want to give it - it's just that you want to keep something for yourself. There's a feeling of trying to hold on to some vestage of your pre-mother independance. At age 56 (almost 57) I am (sort of) approaching the other end of the continum. (I say sort of because I still have three of my offspring at home in the throws of teenagehood.) However, I've seen enough of my children venture off into adulthood and form homes of their own to have an almost full spectrum vantage point. As I view past years from this scenic overlook, I find I have become willing and gratefull to be defined by my motherhood. There's nothing I want more, nothing that even remotely compares in deep-seated rewards than emersing self in hearth and home. I have traveled some (Rome, Egypt, Israel, Hawaii, much of the US each several times over). I worked in sales for over 15 years, received top accolaids and sat on the company's executive board. There are other rewarding ventures that have come and gone. Nothing, however, comes even remotely close to the peace of heart and mind that comes to me when I emmerse my life in my children and their ensuing offspring. (There are 8 thus far.) I can see the future exploding into who know how many more and I can hardly contain my excitement over the unlimited potential of joyous posterity. If I were to offer some advice (how well, though, I understand that there's no way to really pass on this vision) to the younger generation of mothers it would be "keep working at it" - "do your best" - "chin up" because I can promise that down the road (even thru stretches full of potholes and teeth-jarring bumps) there are big dividends that keep growing long after other excitement and endeavors have faded into "so what" obscurity.
"The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life. Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man." Joseph F. Smith
I love this scripture from Ether. Men, women and children are on equal footing before the Lord. If we have eyes to see, He lights our way that we might not walk through this life in darkness.
Last Monday night we had a family going away gathering for Natalie at Tucanos.
Dad is looking a little shell shocked.
Nice scruff Kevin...
Alena contemplates the roasted chicken hearts.
Christian making some random point...
Caitlin protesting something....
Cameron takes the customer survey. Hmmmm
The guest of honor.
Secret agent man....
We had a long, long, long...
table!
What are you doing Ben?
Did you really drink all of that Steph?
Which one should I pick?
Allysha listens as Ben philosophizes.
Who is the angel?
Here's a review of an earlier study conducted connecting physical cleansing with "washing away our sins." The Lady Macbeth Effect
I am going out tomorrow and buy some citrus scented Windex. It's time to wash windows anyway.
...and a Treat. Isabelle Noelle Cantrell was born three weeks early on Halloween day. Her parents (Kimberly and Kevin) said any day would be good except Halloween. Looks like they've already got a taste of parenthood. Welcome to the world little Izzie. She is grandchild #9.
... I shouldn't start on this because I'm sure to miss someone (perhaps multitudes of someones!) Happy birthday Cameron and Kip! (We met between the 16th and 19th and celebrated them both together. Also belated - that would be in Sept.)
Kip's candles have been reduced to decades. That's what happens when you leave the teens.
Caitlin turned 16 Oct. 10. This is a little late but none-the-less sincere unlike the photos below.
Getting her driver's license has been the highlight of Caitlin's life! It may even trump the David Archuleta concert she attended last spring.
Allysha (my oldest daughter) was interview by Michelle at Scribbit. As a mother, discovering your children outside of the family context is the great gift of adult parenting. Allysha's insightful and humorous blog peaked my interest several years ago in venturing forth into the blogosphere myself. This was great for me to read.
My children gave me a science lesson the other day. The fall leaves, they said, are the real color of the tree after the summer is gone and the plants are no longer producing chlorophyll. In their decline they "show their true colors." Interesting, I thought. Maybe people are like that. When the autumn of life arrives and the summer of productivity is through, what is left represents the core of what that person has become. This seems to be true with my Dad. Even through his dementia I can see his core personality by what remains and consistently surfaces. He's a gentleman, even when he's upset. He always stops and lets me go through the door first. He doesn't like to be laughed at. He does like to be laughed with. He's honest. He's always asking me if I have paid for an item as we leave the store and if I am driving the speed limit. (You would think I was a chronic shoplifter and speed maniac. I promise I don't shoplift! I'm getting much better at keeping the speed limit.) He has retained his testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He likes to contribute. He likes attention. He has a little bit of showboat in him. He likes being with people. He doesn't like to be alone. He likes to be doing something. He can sometimes feel insecure. He feels safer with women than with men. Those are his true colors. I know that "showing your true colors" traditionally refers to a ship hoisting it's own flag just before attacking another vessel. I think the phrase could also apply to autumn leaves and old age. It makes you wonder what will surface when you reach that point. (Autumn - dotgouldpainting)
...in the middle of the night in fact. Our neighborhood was being ransacked by car thieves of the break-in variety. My neighbor watched them make their way down the street trying to get in people's cars. They went through her cars, stole tools from Carl across the street, tried to get into our cars. Naturally she called the police and about 8 patrol cars arrived shortly to start the chase through the streets. They caught one of the intruders but the other slipped away which was why we awoke to policemen scouring our backyard with their spotlight-bright flashlights. They looked under every nook and cranny, behind every bush, in every corner. No car thief to be found. But two cars in the area were stolen that night and the next morning. We must have been on the hit list. We get this kind of excitement every few years. One year we ended up with a car in our backyard because they were trying to escape the neighborhood. We've had numerous backyard searched, a drug bust next door, (it was a little unnerving to hear someone yell out about 1:00 a.m. - "put your hands up, this is the police!" and to look out to see the neighbor and his mother laying face down on the driveway being frisked by the cops) the swat team called in, a high speed chase (it was a bank robbery) and police shooting. Sounds adventurous, but really we are a quiet, nice suburban neighborhood. Sadly, Nathanael, who thrives on adventure, was out of town for just about every one.
There are two messages in that quote for me - one, it reminds me of our little children's divinity and that we are stewards. I want to be more careful and respectful of them. The other is that because Heavenly Father is the #1 parent we do our best and then put them into His hands. Ultimately their salvation is between Him and them. We are a facilitator and of course are accountable for teaching them but they have their agency (boy, don't we know!) and in the end they report back to Him.
I believe the work of salvation is so much more extensive than we realize . There is always hope. Heavenly Father loves all his children and is working with them.
