Whom my children love....

I've had an unspoken motto as a mother. I can't remember exactly when I became conscious of this fact. It was probably when my oldest children were in their teens and I became acutely aware that in the not too distant future they would be stepping out into the world beyond my home, making life decisions with real, long lasting consequences and.....falling in love. Observing those around me whose children were launching into marriage with or without the pleasing endorsement of their parents, I decided in my heart that I would love whomever my children love. I think this decision actually grew out of a myriad of other earlier crossroad choices when another unspoken family policy surfaced. Any friends my children collected in their daily walk through life were welcome in my home. I was careful about where my children played. I preferred them close to home where I could keep tabs on what they were about and the environment (esp. the media environment) they were in. But, we had a rule at our house that everyone plays - young or old, boy or girl, rich or poor, black or white, popular or not, ...they were all to be treated equally and included. I don't know if we always succeeded but I told my children I would rather have them be the one bullied than have them bully someone else. That applied to inclusion as well. I've never regretted that choice. I believe children should be welcomed, accepted and loved. If ever I heard reports of a visiting friend who was misbehaving or talking inappropriately I would ask my child to ask them to follow our rules when they were at our house making sure they knew they were welcome. It always worked. Either the behavior was self-corrected or eventually they drifted away to other play grounds.

Back to the present. My children are now falling in love and getting married. And I find myself definitely "in love" with the ones they love. I can see the graces and charms of those my children have dated and married and why they have been "thunderstruck" so to speak. They have done a much better job than I in my limited "mother" view would have done if I had taken on the task of selecting mates for my offspring. I am awed by how blessed I feel. I think every one of my sons-in-law and my daughter-in-law walk on water. They are golden! The great news is we are adding one more in July.

Come boldly unto the throne of grace...

Last week I studied the book of Hebrews in the New Testament for a class I teach. May I share a few verses that spoke to my soul.

"For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Heb. 4:15-16

My favorite word in those two sentences is "boldly." We may go before the Lord eagerly and with confidence because we know we will be received intimately with mercy and grace by one who fully understands our need. We should not fear or hesitate. In fact, we should run to him.

My other favorite verse:

"Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death..."

My favorite words in this verse are "strong crying and tears." The Savior was not a semi-removed, emotionally austere God who went through the motions of mortality but floated on the surface of the difficulty. And it is often through "strong crying and tears" that we finally connect with Him and allow him to succor us.

Another point in this verse is that God, His Father could have saved him from death but did not because He loved us. (John 3:16)

The Ant and the Grasshopper

I've been thinking about boundaries of late - particularly as they relate to personal space. It seems to me that most people have a build-in relationship radar that is constantly sending out signals to access and monitor the personal space, tolerance level etc. of those around them. For many this personal radar system works well. They have a good sense of what is invasive and when enough is enough. They appear to be fairly objective in their perceptions of what is going on around them. They can see things from the other side of the fence as needed. The can plan and work around other's boundaries.

Then there are the grasshoppers! Remember the ant and the grasshopper stories and the eternal debate as to whether the grasshoppers are free spirits to be admired for living in the moment, or freeloaders who take advantage of the ants' more diligent and responsible behavior? The grasshoppers (in the context of boundaries) have a more difficult time creating borders for themselves and not stepping across the lines that others draw for them. They are wearing a subjective pair of glasses and assume everyone else is using the same set of lenses. For the less-practical, moment loving grasshopper, borders are hazy or non-existent. They change as needed by the hour or circumstance. Grasshoppers take their cues from inside. They can be unique, creative, largess, generous, outgoing, fun and...from an ant point of view...frustrating!

Ants love their borders. The have lots of them set up for most situations life has to offer. And indeed, life runs more smoothly for them! Not only do they understand the concept of personal space, they allow others the same privilege. No tromping down the hedges here!

If your are entrenched in your "antness" however then life with a grasshopper can be unnerving and fairly exhausting! You must always have an armed guard patrolling your borders. And you can't just draw a line and say, "Do not cross!" You have to put up the moat and castle walls. Even then, the grasshopper is prone to knock on the gate at some unexpected hour to see if he or she can come in. And in the process the ant can appear slightly uncharitable.

Really, I have no solutions for this fabled dilemma of the insects. And, I have over-simplified the above analogy to make a point. In real life human beings are more complex. Probably like most people, I like to fancy myself as one who can do borders with the ants and play a bit with the grasshoppers. You can, however, find yourself frustrated on both sides of the divide. The ant and the grasshopper tales should have plenty of fodder to keep their application alive and well indefinitely.

Endings...

I've disliked the endings of two of the last three movies I have watched. In my mind, both of them developed a terrific story line and then sold out at the end to the easy fix or the politically correct nod to the current culture. I've decided endings are the hardest part of a good story or poem. An ending needs to be loyal to what has come before. Is that also true of life? Is winding down the last scenes of old age an art as well? Maybe enduring to the end means holding on to quality and dignity even as the "rug" is being pulled out from underneath you.

I also think that refining one's temperament is a good thing to work on during all stages of life if for no other reason than in old age you begin to loose control of your ability not to say exactly what you are thinking and startling things can suddenly pop out here and there. Give me another 15 years and I might reconsider this statement. Perhaps is just dang freeing to spill the beans you have kept under wraps for years. Maybe what seems a little socially jarring to those of us still on the treadmill is really being just fine with what's inside. Hmmm it's something to consider.

My grandma's favorite saying as she was skirting the borders of senility was "My, aren't you just grand!" I like that. It's a good ending!

Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Neal A. Maxwell was a man who truly sought to live the many brilliant, insightful and marvelous doctrines of the gospel he taught. If I were to think of one man who would exemplify humility it would be Elder Maxwell. Because of that humility he could say "hard things" and they were easy to bear. I've been reading several talks by him. I can hear his voice speaking in my mind. I miss him greatly particularly as conference weekend approaches. If there was anyone who took seriously the Savior's charge to "come follow me" it was Neal A. Maxwell. If there was anyone who left no doubt about his great love for others it was Neal A. Maxwell. My life is more richly blessed because of his great service to mankind.

Becoming a Disciple

"One mistake we can make during this mortal experience is to value knowledge apart from the other qualities to be developed in submissive discipleship. Knowledge--discovery, its preservation, its perpetuation--is very important. Yet, being knowledgeable while leaving underdeveloped the virtues of love, mercy, meekness, and patience is not enough for full discipleship. Mere intellectual assent to a truth deprives us of the relevant, personal experiences that come from applying what we profess to believe." (Becoming a Disciple - Neal A. Maxwell. Ensign Jun 1996)

Gift fom the Sea

Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote of the need to "shed my Martha-like anxiety about many things,...shedding pride,...shedding hypocrisy in human relationships. What a rest that will be! The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered," she said, "is being insincere. That is why so much of social life is exhausting." (Gift from the Sea, p. 32)
(As quoted by Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign Nov. 1990.)